Anime Jeopardy
by JustLikePagliacciDid
Summary: Seven categories. Twenty-eight questions. Three contestants. One host. Jeopardy, as played by anime characters. Stupid, stupid anime characters. Today's players: Avatar Aang, Light Yagami, and Ban Midou.
1. Aang, Light Yagami, Ban Midou

"...and welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. This is Alex Trebeck; let's take a look at the scores.

"Aang, representing _Avatar: The Last Airbender_, is in a commanding lead with negative eight dollars. Not entirely sure how he managed to do that."

Aang waved his stick in the air. "I can fly, I tell you! FLY!"

"Wonderful. In second place is Light Yagami, representing _Death Note_, with a score of negative four thousand dollars."

"L," snarled Light. "You're behind this. I know it. But I'll get you! I SWEAR I'LL GET YOU!"

"And..." Trebeck sighed. "Once again... Ban Midou is in third, with negative ten thousand dollars."

"You think you're pretty goddamn clever with your Daily Doubles, don't you?" Ban adjusted his sunglasses. "Well, you know what? I did it double. With your mother."

"Let's take a look at the categories. They are 'Things that are over Nine Thousand', 'Potent Potables'-"

"Ooh! I want that one! Yeah!" interrupted Aang.

"We haven't started playing, Mr. Avatar," said Trebeck. "'Names beginning with M,' 'Free Food', - note that in that category you get both points and food automatically – 'That Funky Music', 'Sounds Doggies Make', and..." There was a pause. "Oh god, why would they do this? 'Dragonballs.'"

Ban erupted into laughter. "My day has come, Trebeck!"

"Don't even think about it, Mr- "

"I got a couple of dragons right here, buddy!"

"Oh god! Pull up your pants!" Trebeck turned to the director. "Don't cut to him until he gets his pants back on."

There was a brief scuffle as Ban's pants were restored to him.

"You know, I was going to the board to you, Mr. Midou, but I'll give it to Mr. Aang instead. Mr. Aang, pick a category – May I suggest Free Food."

"I choose Dragonballs for two hundred!"

Ban burst into laughter, slamming his podium. Trebeck hanged his head in despair.

"A character wished for this fluffy white object in an early chapter of Dragonball."

Ban rang in. "Your mother!"

_BZZT!_

"No, Mr. Midou."

Light rang in, grinning maniacally. "A rudimentary mistake, Mr. Midou! _What is _your mother?!"

_BZZT!_

"God dammit, L! I'll destroy you utterly!" shrieked Light.

Aang rang in. "_Who is_ your mother?!"

_BZZT_

Aang burst into tears.

"My god!" yelled Trebeck. "My mother is not involved in Jeopardy in any way!"

"I tell you what she is involved with – my dragons!"

"That is completely out of line-"

"I call them Mr. Rogers and Funkytown."

"Mr. Yagami, why don't you pick a category?"

Light examined the board. "Choosing potent potables would be absurd... Dragonballs exposes us to further quips from Midou... damn, I'm running out of options... I can't... I MUST ACT! I choose... NAMES THAT BEGIN WITH M FOR EIGHT HUNDRED!"

"This Nintendo character's name ends in 'ario'."

Aang slammed on his buzzer. "Wario!"

Trebeck gave him a dirty look. "No.

Light rang in. "Who is Mello!"

"No."

"RARGH!!!!" Light sank to his knees.

"Ya win some you lose some," said Midou, offhandedly.

"Like I won your mother?" shouted Aang.

Ban belly-laughed. "You have potential, kid!"

"That's enough," said Trebeck, sourly. "Why don't we just move on to final jeopardy? The category is 'Draw a smiley face'." The music started and the lights dimmed. "Just draw a happy face. It could be just a circle with two dots and a curved mouth on it, or you could draw the next Mona Lisa. I really don't care. Just draw a vaguely happy face."

The music stopped, and Trebeck strode to Aang's podium. "Now let's see how all of you ruined this. Aang, you drew... a frowning face."

: - (

"Why did you draw that?! It was a simple instruction!"

"I'm incredibly sad on the inside," said Aang, looking at the ground.

"That's great. And you wagered... One Shekel."

He moved on to Light.

"Mr. Yagami. Your answer was...

'A potato chip.'

"We told you to draw a face, and you wrote 'a potato chip'."

"AND I'LL EAT IT!"

"Beautiful. And you wagered... 'Aang'. You... wagered Aang. What do you mean by that?"

Light grinned evilly.

"...right... Let's move on to Mr. Midou. For better or worse. Well, worse." He went over to Ban. "Mr. Midou, you wrote..."

'= - D'

Trebeck stared , dumbfounded. "My god, you got it right. Are we filming this? Are we sure? Alright, let's see what you wagered-"

"Yargh!" yelled Aang, stumbling away from his podium. Clutching at his chest, he fell to his knees at the center of the set, gasping for breath; he finally hit the ground and lay there, dead.

There was a silence. "I suppose we should call the paramedics. Beautiful. Mr. Midou, you wagered...

'= - D

'^ That's the face your mother made'

"I should have seen that coming. Elegantly done, Mr. Midou."

"Don't mess with tha maestro, mofo!"

"Well, that's it for Anime Jeopardy," said Trebeck, stepping away from Ban. "The show hit a new low today, having just become the site of a homicide. Good night, and excuse me while I go down a few bottles of whisky."

_fin_


	2. Edward Elric, Asuka Sohryu, Ban Midou

"Welcome back to Anime Jeopardy; I'm Alex Trebeck. We would like to remind the contestants that cheating will not be tolerated; this includes the use of cheat sheets, secret ear transponders, and transmuting your opponents buzzer into a dead fish."

"That's a perfectly valid tactic!" shouted Ed.

"No, it is not! Let's take a look at the scores.

"Asuka Langley Sohryu, representing _Neon Genesis Evangelion,_ is in first place with a narrow lead of negative five hundred dollars."

"Ack! This idiot keeps trying to feel me up!" complained Asuka, pointing at Ed.

"They'd believe you if you _had_ anything to feel up!"

"You arshlocke!"

"Do we have security ready?" Trebeck asked. "We do? Good. In second place with negative seven hundred eighty-four dollars is Edward Elric, representing _Fullmetal Alchemist_."

"Old fart says what?" Ed said.

"I'm not falling for that. And, in third place is..." There was a sigh. "Yet again... Ban Midou."

"I'm back, mofos!" yelled Ban, to loud cheering and at least one bark.

"Please do not use profanity on the show, Mr. Midou.

"Old bitch says 'don't curse?'"

"Once again, don't curse on the-" Trebeck paused. "I should have seen that." Ban laughed uproariously. "Let's take a look at the categories. They are 'Emoticons', which is a long word for smiley faces, 'Point at your face,' 'Song Lyrics,' 'Mr. Rogers', wherein the correct answer is always Mr. Rogers, 'Would you like a cracker?', and 'First-grade math', which I recommend you skip. Mr. Elric, the board is yours."

"I'll take Mr. Rogers for four hundred!"

"This man hosted television program for children, where he visited a magical fantasy land with his many friends."

Ban hit his buzzer. "Who is Michael Jackson?!"

_BZZT!_

"No, Mr. Midou."

"Come on, Trebeck! Fact checking is your friend!"

Edward rang in. "Who is Bill O'Reilly?!"

_BZZT!_

"No," said Trebeck, darkly.

"The writers on this show totally suck," complain Ed. "They just make up answers and don't even pick out the proper question."

"Tell me about it," said Ban.

Asuka rang in. "The answer is, of course, 'Who is Charles Manson?' I'll take-"

_BZZT!_

"VER HINGER HOVEN-VATCH HOHENHEIM VOLKSGRAD!" shrieked Asuka.

"What was that about my father?" demanded Ed.

"Shut up, shortstuff," snapped Asuka.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT?!"

"Short in your pants, jagoff!"

"That's-"

Ed rang in. "Yeah, I'll take 'Asuka is a total bitch' for one thousand!"

"Ack!" yelled Asuka. "I'll take 'Ed is smooth like a Ken' doll for ten thousand!"

Ed undid his belt. "Smooth- I'll show you smooth!"

"Mr. Elric-"

He yanked down his pants. "More than you can take!"

"You pervert!" yelled Asuka. _SLAP!_

"Short in more ways than one! Hyaa!" yelled Ban.

"That's enough!" yelled Trebeck. "Mr. Midou, I'm going to regret this, but why don't you pick a category?"

"Alright, Toupee-balls, I'll take-"

"Wait, what did you call me?"

"Toupee-balls. You're the only man in the world who needs a toupee for his crotch."

Trebeck sighed. "Miss Sohryu, why don't you pick a category?"

Asuka turned away, with a loud hmph.

"Miss Sohryu appears to be pouting. Mr. Elric, how about you?"

"Hmm..." Ed stroked his chin. "I'll take song lyrics for two hundred."

"Finally. This song's title comes from its lyric, 'Play that Funky Music White Boy.'"

There was a silence.

"This is easy! The song's title is 'Play that Funky Music White Boy.' Therefore, the answer is..."

Puzzled expressions all around.

"Please, someone just say 'What is Play that Funky Music White Boy'."

Ban rang in. "What is Why Don't We Do it in the Road?!"

_BZZT!_

"It was a good guess," Ban said, defensively.

"_Dumkopf_," muttered Asuka.

"Oh, maybe Brown Pubes over here has a better idea."

"_What_ did you call me?!"

Trebeck sighed. "Let's move on to Final Jeopardy. Today's category is 'English'. Just write any English word. Any English word at all. 'And', 'the', 'blue', anything at all." The lights dimmed and the music started. "There is no wrong choice here. We'll even allow cursing for Mr. Midou."

The lights came back, and Trebeck strode over to Ed's podium. "Now, let's see all the different languages you wrote your responses in. Ed, your answer was... you drew a transmutation circle."

"Check this out!" Ed clapped his hands together and placed them on his podium. There was a brilliant flash of light, and his podium was transformed... into a seminude statue of Asuka in a toga. "Pretty nice, eh?"

"We're charging you for the cost of the podium." He moved on to Asuka. "Miss Sohryu, you wrote..." There was a silence. Asuka was staring at the seminude.

"Ed..." she said, softly. "That's an amazing statue."

The alchemist scratched the back of his neck nervously. "I don't do it a lot."

Asuka smiled, a little red in the face. "Maybe we could meet up after the show."

"Miss Sohryu!"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah."

"Miss Sohryu, your answer was... 'I'm sorry Ed.'"

There was an awkward silence. "Well, that's surprising," said Trebeck. "Anime Jeopardy has just become a site of peace and reconciliation."

"Lame!" yelled Ban.

"Well, Miss Sohryu, let's see what you wagered.

'I'm sorry Ed'

'But your thing is too short'."

Asuka burst into laughter. "You demon!" yelled Ed. "I'll transmute your intestines into cheese!"

He chased Asuka off stage. Only Trebeck and Midou was left.

"Wow," said the host. "Well, Mr. Midou, let's see what you wrote. I'm sure I won't like it. Your answer was... 'saddlebacking'." Trebeck looked around, baffled. "Is that a word?"

"You should, know Trebeck!"

"Umm... I don't..."

"Well, it involves a grown man, a cat, and criminal proceedings. Enjoy your FCC fine!"

"That's enough, Mr. Midou!"

"You know it, Trebeck – it's your favorite pastime! And your mother's." Ban burst into laughter.

"That's all for Anime Jeopardy," said Trebeck.

"Wait, don't you wanna see what I wagered, toupee-balls?"

"No, I do not. That's it for Anime Jeopardy. This is the second running episode where a man has exposed himself indecently. We hope to break that streak next episode-"

"Did someone say streak?!" yelled Midou, ripping off his pants.

"Oh god- kill the feed! Kill it right now!"


End file.
